How to Have Better Sex: 11 Tips

Better sex: every man’s white whale. It’s true that even the best lovers among us always have room for improvement — that’s why all your favorite athletes practice, you know.

While flipping through sexologist TikTok or reading Medium blogs published by a sex educator may yield some valuable info, there are only so many ways to reword the same basic ideas.

Maybe you’re dating a woman with high libido and trying to keep up with her healthy sex life expectations. Or perhaps you’re just trying to improve your sexual stamina so your partner doesn’t see commercial breaks as a quickie window.

In any case, you don’t need a secret list of sex positions guarded by monks to have the best sex. You don’t need all-American power in the form of a high-wattage sex machine, either. All you need is an open mind — and some time. 

Below, we’ll go over 11 of our favorite sex tips anyone can employ to make good sex better and improve overall enjoyment for you and your partner.

11 Tips for Having Great Sex

Here’s a question a sex therapist might ask — and one we’re going to ask you before we dive into these tips: Why are you here?

Your sex life may be good or bad. You or your partner might be happy or admit there are sexual problems keeping you from really connecting.

Satisfaction and communication are deeply linked in the bedroom, and when communication breaks down, it can become an underlying cause of intimacy problems.

Once you identify the areas needing improvement, it’s time to put yourself to work.

Here’s how to do it.

1. Go Back to Sex School

Our first tip is a simple, easy, jargon-free one: Learn.

Learning is fun, especially when the curriculum is about improving your sex life. But seriously — though you might think you remember everything from your high school sex-ed class, there’s always more to learn.

Education can help broach subjects that are difficult to talk about. You can share articles, passages and materials without having to, you know…say it out loud.

It’s also a great way to explore solutions to problems like painful sex, find words to describe your particular sexual desires and, ultimately, become a more intelligent sexual partner.

2. Do Kegel Exercises

Now that we’ve covered the mind, let’s talk about muscles.

Exercise is how we build muscle and stamina. Exercises like edging and Kegels can improve your sexual fitness and stamina, specifically.

Strong pelvic floor muscles can help you last longer. They’re also responsible for urinary health, so work them out regularly.

3. Try Different Positions

We’re all for checking off every position from the latest Cosmopolitan guide. But let’s make one thing clear: Trying new sex positions doesn’t mean being an acrobat.

Finding ways to deepen your pleasure (and your partner’s) may require balance and flexibility. However, plenty of positions for oral sex and penetrative sex can stimulate erogenous zones — like the G-spot, clitoris and prostate — without you having to make the Olympic qualifiers.

4. Incorporate Toys

Who doesn’t love toys? Whether you’re into kink or not, sex toys (like this penis vibrator) are pretty mainstream these days. They might scare some men on the way to the bedroom, but for guys with male or female partners, sex toys can be more than a little fun.

If vibrators can help your partner climax, and you can hold the vibrator, then congrats — you’re making your partner orgasm. Research has suggested that some sex toys may even help with ED.

5. Use Lube

Lubricants can make sex less painful for people who struggle to produce natural lubrication. Using lube can also help couples who are mismatched in size, as well as for that alternative entry point you keep asking about.

So make sure to keep some on hand, in your nightstand and on everything else.

6. Write Down Your Fantasies

Sex advice blogs aren’t always reliable sources of guidance, but we have to hand this one to all of them: writing down your fantasies to share with your partner is a great way to communicate and boost intimacy.

It can also help you broach the subject if you’re uncertain about your partner’s reaction. The same goes for sharing a favorite movie scene, fetish or activity as a visual explainer. It may arouse your partner or shock them, but that’s where our next tip comes in.

7. Be Neither Defensive nor Judgmental

There’s a lot of taboo, shame and self-consciousness wrapped up in sexual fantasies. Whether you’re more into kink or cuddles (or have a cuddle kink), everyone has a different set of turn-on criteria — and your partner may not share the same ones as you.

When you talk about these things with them, remember to make the conversation a safe environment for sharing. Don’t judge — and if they judge, don’t get defensive. This is new territory, so take it slow.

8. Be Patient and Realistic About Your Potential

While we’re advising you to take it slow, you should probably follow the same advice with the physical side of intimacy.

We’re not just talking about length and girth here, fellas. Although we’d all like to imagine we can handle that hours-long tantric experience, it’s not always possible (or safe) if you’re older, overweight or not in great health.

Don’t go straining yourself, pushing your limits, risking injury or taking any medications not prescribed to you to “get the blood flow going.”

9. Take Care Of Your Mental Health

Therapy may not feel intimately connected to intimacy. But believe it or not, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues can hinder sexual function, sex drive and libido.

In the same vein, addressing things like low self-esteem, intimacy fears and performance anxiety is essential for everyone to have a good time.

10. Look Out For and Treat Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the recurring inability to achieve or maintain an erection. Millions of men suffer from it, and treating it requires professional assistance.

ED can be a result of physiological factors. Poor diet, drug use, excess body weight, high blood pressure, heart disease and heavy alcohol intake can all cause it.

Lifestyle changes may help. Beyond that, PDE5-inhibitor medications like Viagra® (and generic sildenafil), Stendra® (avanafil) and Cialis® (tadalafil) have decades of research proving their effectiveness.

11. Address Premature Ejaculation

Another thing that can cause issues is premature ejaculation (PE). This is when you ejaculate before orgasm or penetration.

A healthcare professional may recommend any number of treatments, including SSRIs like sertraline or paroxetine and numbing agents like our Clockstopper benzocaine wipes and Delay Spray.

Enjoying a Better Sex Life

As we hope we’ve hammered home here, everything really comes back to communication. It’s not just the dirty talk — it’s also the honesty, vulnerability and openness of saying what isn’t working.

Worry not — there’s a chance your partner has many of the same feelings and maybe some of the same desires.

Here’s what to keep in mind if you want to improve your sex life:

• Sexual health is about the physical, emotional and mental well-being of you, your partner and the intimacy you share.

• A better sex life necessarily requires improving your mind, body and emotional connection to really get the best out of every sexual experience.

• Men with ED may lose interest in sexual activity, if only to avoid further embarrassment.

• Deep breathing exercises and yoga may not be what you consider foreplay. But doing them before things kick off in the bedroom may help you maintain control over things like performance anxiety.

• While intense orgasms are great, a satisfying sex life is about making your partner feel safe, aroused and enthusiastic about your intimate time together.

• Healthcare professionals may prescribe medications, recommend lifestyle changes or refer you to a therapist for sexual dysfunction relating to mental health or relationship issues.

Having performance issues? We have lots of sex tips for men looking for premature ejaculation treatments and erectile dysfunction medications.

We’ve also rounded up ways to spice up your sex life and boost sexual performance, plus foreplay ideas to get started.

What’s more, we have ED meds in the form of chewable hard mints and a collection of sex toys (Standing O penis rings, the Thrill Ride prostate massager and the classic bullet vibrator, to name a few) to help you take things to the next level.